有限度的幸福 VS 無窮無盡的幸福 （上）

有些人說，這世上的幸福是只有一定的額度的，當這世上某地方的某人變得更幸福時，代表另一個地方的某個人變得更不幸了。

會忽然想起這個想法，是在上星期在家中準備宵夜時，當時我走進了廚房在思考吃甚麼好時，發現了一隻壁虎扒在我家的電熱水壺後的牆壁上。我一直認為壁虎是居家益蟲，雖然其貌不揚，但聽說牠是靠吃小強維生的，也不會滋養細菌，所以我家對壁虎一直都奉行不殺主義的，我想除非牠爬上我們家人頭上啦。而這只壁虎小哥，雖然沒有甚麼根據，但我主觀認為牠應該是之前寄居在我家冷氣機上的，因為在冷氣機雖然安全，但真的「搵唔到肉食」，在我們不為意的幾個晝與夜間，慢慢的讓牠爬行到我家廚房的那個位置了。當時還不為意，事後想想這非一般的成就真的讓人佩服牠的毅力。

就在這吃小強的壁虎小哥爬到放餐具的抽屜後，我也把我的注意力放回未來的宵夜上。我拉開放碗盤的抽屜，接著就看到「牠」了！那個油亮亮、暗褐色的身體，就是那神憎鬼厭的蟑螂啊！牠就我家的碗盤間爬啊爬的，甚至有點囂張的把頭露出來，一副「你吹得我脹啊」的表情！當時我的選擇有：

A) 去找Biokiller回來毒死牠
B) 拿拖鞋拍死牠
C) 徒手捉著牠的觸鬚，生擒！
D) None of the above.

首先不要考慮成功機率，C是絕對不可能的！A雖然大概能成功殺死牠，卻會付上污染全家食具這嚴重的後果。至於B，我不認為自己有能在一大堆碗碟間捕捉到移動中的小強的動態視力，所以也駁回。最後我選擇了D－我默默的關上了抽屜，決定吃了一餐宵夜也不是甚麼壞事。

至於那格抽屜，請各位關心我家的朋友不用操心，本人在此聲明，事後我家沒有人使用不潔餐具吃飯。

在我關上抽屜時，其實我心中打著的算盤，就讓剛剛看到壁虎小哥去了結那小強吧。當然，我不是蟻俠，不能和蛇蟲鼠蟻溝通，去通知小哥那裹有小強大餐（就算可以，也應該要叫「壁虎俠」吧！雖然感覺也蠻酷的）就算毫無根據，我仍然相信這壁虎可以憑藉自己的本能，找到今晚的糧食的。

如事者過了幾天，我沒有再見過壁虎或者小強。事後想想，其實這正是「幸福是有額度」這一說法的最佳寫照吧：若果壁虎成功找到小哥并把牠消化掉，除代表我家的害蟲少了一只外，也讓一個生命（壁虎）不用餓死得以延續，卻同時是另一個生命（小強）的終結；相反，若小強最終逃過一劫，代表牠可繼續苟且存活，代價卻是壁虎另一個捱餓的晚上，和我們家繼續忍受著小強陰霾。

現實生活其實也如是，當一個人得到物質、機會、功勞時，往往代表世上某個角落的人失去了這些事物。在這情況下，幸福的確是遵循著微觀經濟學的看法：「人生就是在有限物質間追求無限的慾望。」

要注意的是，這個事實是以「幸福＝擁有」的價值觀為大前提才會成立的，就像我那幾位教通識科的朋友說的，在贊成或反對一個論點前，第一個需要問的問題永遠是：「What is」。所以，我們需要搞清楚，到底幸福是否能和擁有劃上等號呢？所謂的幸福，能否有另外的形態（Alternative）呢？

Regret of the lion (Based on the Greek fable)

I was resting on the bank of a river, preparing myself to swim across it.

“Mr. Lion, could you do my a favor?” A voice asked politely. I looked around but could not see anyone.

“Right down here! Mr. Lion,” the voice spoke a bit louder this time. I looked down and found a little scorpion standing beside my right front limb. Unlike his voice, his sharp claws and pointy tail reminded me what a dangerous creature he truly was.

“Oh, how may I help you, little fellow?” I replied gently. You see, it turned out that I was no ordinary lion you may see on the TV. I was quite an intelligent being. Not only that I could speak in human languages, but also…

“Who are you talking to, Mr. Lion?” The scorpion asked with doubt.

“Never mind. What did you say again?”

“I was wondering if you could be kind-hearted and carry me on your back across the river,” the scorpion requested.

“It is just a piece of cake for me. The only thing that worries me is what will happen if you sting me with your tail while we are in the middle of the river. You know, your poison is really deadly even for me,” I raised out my concerns.

“Of course not! If I hurt you on the way, we will both end up dead for sure. Why would I do such non-sense?” The little fellow explained. He surely had a point. Therefore, I allowed him to stay on my back while I started swimming across the river.

We chatted a little on our way. I was really enjoying myself since it was my first time to meet a scorpion. Perhaps we could become friends and travel around. Then, one day someone encountered us and found us amusing and wrote a fable about us…

All of a sudden, someone stabbed me on my back! What happened? Right after that, I started to lose feeling of my back. I was not stabbed. I was stung! The deadly scorpion stung me from behind!
“What in the world are you doing?” I shouted.

“I just stung you,” the scorpion answered with a monotone. I could not see him on my back. I really wanted to know how he looked right now.

“You know that now we are going to drown to dead, don’t you?”

“Yes, I know.”

I could not understand! The paralysis was now all over my body. I burst out my last words, “Then why are you doing it?”

“I am sorry, Mr. Lion,” the scorpion murmured. “I wish I could do it differently, but it is my instinct. I cannot resist it.”

Did the scorpion really say those words, or was it just my illusion? No one would ever know, as both of us were sinking. Sinking to the bottom of the river…

平等，有何好處？

曰：「不平等的教育，好比十二歲的小子跟二十歲的青年打架，小子一下子就被擊倒了。」

所謂的不平等，就是社會的架構，君君臣臣父父子子，你十二歲的小子不要妄想可以打贏二十歲的青年－直到你到了二十歲時，那你就可以欺負那些新的十二歲了。

我們處在一個不平等的世界，是因為我們喜愛它、維護它、需要它。不平等為人們帶來優越感，為人們提供奮鬥的目標：「總有一天，我會拿回我應得的。」我們不會恨不平等，只會恨我們不是出生在金字塔的頂端：怎麼把人採在腳下的不是我呢？怎麼不是我住在豪宅的沙發上慨嘆：「啊，現在世道艱難啊！」一路飲著紅酒。

平等，有何好處？

參考：不平等的教育，有何好處？


http://leechardasks.blogspot.com/2012/01/blog-post_12.html

恨錯與自戀

「人生就是不斷在後悔中輪迴。」有一集小丸子卡通中，小丸子姐姐說出這麼一句嚇人的說話。

我想，這世上的確有不少人在回顧自己的人生時，能夠說出「今生無悔」這句豪言狀語－即使說的人本來身覺得這種態度十分理所當然，但現實中，更多的人時常有在回首過去時、在夜蘭人靜時、在疲憊不堪時，出現一種「恨錯」的心理。

「點解我讀中學時唔讀好Ｄ書呢？」

「點解我個時唔對女朋友好Ｄ呢？」

「點解我以前唔抽多Ｄ時間陪下仔女呢？」

「點解我唔响阿嬤仲在生時同佢傾多Ｄ計呢？」

「點解我當年唔响仲算靚仔時媾多Ｄ女呢？」

「點解我個時唔上呢？」（呢個「上」大家可以自行解讀…）

我們總覺得自己錯過了很多的機會，總是認為如果能讓我再來一次，我一定會做得更好，總是不切實際的想著如果可以穿越時空回到過去就好啦…

嘛，有這種心態是無何厚非的，畢竟時光一去不復返，「過去的我」總是有「現在的我」所沒有的魅力。可是，我近來覺得，「現在的我」其實也不是太一無是處嘛，雖然「現在的我」腰圍數字身線上升，髮線在不斷挑戰最高峰，額頭的火車軌也在不停加開班次……

其實，這些都不重要的。因為，十年過去後，那個「十年後的我」在回首「現在的我」時，會格外懷念現在這個不堪的我…大概。現在的走下坡，可能是未來的成熟美；現在的世故，可能是未來的天真 ；現在的逆境，可能是未來的小波折。

重要的是，無論是八歲的你、十八歲的你、廿八歲的你、四十八的你、六十八和八十八的你，都有其可愛可取之處。人，本來就不需要刻意和誰去比個高下，包括和自己的比較，都是多餘的。Everyone can be lovable and capable.

幾天前，一位同事忽然間問我：「Tony你近排係咪拍拖啊？」

我想了一想，回答她：「係啊，我同緊我自己拍拖，我同我依家honey moon緊囉。」

同事笑而不語。

因此，以後若果你出現「恨錯」的感覺時，不妨嘗試「自戀」一下，去尋找自己的可愛可敬可取之處，去肯定自己的努力和成就，去關心自己，去鼓勵自己，去獎勵自己，去愛自己。之後，你會發現，你眼中的世界，會出現一點點－可能很微少，但確實存在－一點點的改變。世界可能變得美麗了一點點，稱心如意之事會令人更開心一點點，不如意的事也會變得可接受了一點點。

嗯，可能改變只有那一點點，但很多時，我們做人求的就是那一點點而已，對嗎？

Three things in life by Unknown

Three things in life

 Three things in life that, once gone, never come back

1. Time
2. Words
3. Opportunity

Three things in life that may never be lost

1. Peace
2. Hope
3. Honesty

Three things in life that are most valuable

1. Love
2. Self - Confidence
3. Friends

Three things in life that are never certain

1. Dreams
2. Success
3. Fortune

Three things that make a man/woman

1. Hard work
2. Sincerity
3. Commitment

Three things in life that can destroy a man/woman

1. Alcohol
2. Pride
3. Anger

Three things in life that, once lost, hard to build-up

1. Respect
2. Trust
3. Friends

Three things in life that never fail

1. True Love
2. Determination
3. Belief

《皇上無話兒》與右腦思維（內含劇透）

King's Speech是一部很不錯的電影，從劇情的鋪排、演員的技藝、對歷史的適度刻畫、平實真摯的感情、恰到好處的幽默、故事的啟發性等等，都做到所能想像的最佳水準。獲得最佳電影的美名可算是對這種「人生導向」類的作品的鼓舞和一種肯定。

電影中，頗我深思的一段是Lionel在承認自己並無任何專業資格時，說他自己醫治語言障礙的方法，全是身在澳洲時，替那些因參加第一次世界大戰而出現心理陰影的歸國士兵們治療，經過無數經驗累積下來的治療法。因此，他的治療手法雖然感覺雜亂無稽，又沒有任何理論基礎或臨床實驗支持，可是你不得不佩服他的治療手法比任何專業治療師要多，聽歌、唱歌、跳舞、爆粗、做運動、面部鬆弛…一種試完又有另一種，一種又不行還有一百種，最後總會找到一種有用的。

在解決問題時，邏輯主導的左腦思維需要有充分的數據支持，有明確的理論基礎，然後才夠膽開始做實驗，先用最簡單的白老鼠開始，然後是猴子，再接著找自願者…這種嚴謹而按步就班的思維造就了西方在自然科學上的成就，可是每每涉及人類不確定性的領域時，就難免左支右絀了。

另一方面，右腦思維則是感性的、直覺性的、勇於冒險的，想到一個方法就先試了再說，不行又再試另一種，再不行又再試…最後在一千種方法中，找到其中一百種有效的方法，接著又有另一個人再去試那一百種方法，狠一點的還會「不信邪」再回頭去試之前失敗了的九百種方法，經過不斷的努力之後，最後找出其中十種恆之有效的方法，就把它們記載下來留給後代…中國的醫學、針灸、氣功、風水等等，就是這種屢敗屢戰的成果。硬要分類的話這算是統計學的一種應用吧。要注意的是，統計學不算是科學，它只能找出兩個現象有關聯，但不能找出其中的原因。它們看似沒有道理，但都有一個共通點－「有效」。嘛，就這兩個字已足夠氣死不少科學家了。

右腦思維固然忍受不了左腦的悶蛋和小心眼；左腦思維則認為右腦做事太隨便衝動又不顧後果。

事實上，低層次的右腦思維有時的確會做出不少可笑的行為，正因為時常抱著「寧可信其有」的嘗試心態，因此很容易受謠言的影響而做出不少腦殘的行為（例如搶盬啦…），作為一個右腦思維傾向的文化，我們中國人也比其他文化的人迷信，也特別容易沈迷賭博，這些都是事實。可是當右腦思維的去到一個較高的層次時，它們比任何左腦思維的解決問題能力都要高，也比任何人都富創造力、啟發性，這些也是不容忽視的。

Why Don't You Understand?

Suppose you've been having trouble with your eyes and you decide to go to an optometrist for help. After briefly listening to your complaint, he takes off his glasses and hands them to you.

"Put these on," he says. "I've worn this pair of glasses for ten years now and they've really helped me. I have an extra pair at home; you can wear these."

So you put them on, but it only makes the problem worse.

"This is terrible!" you exclaim. "I can't see a thing!"

"Well, what's wrong?" he asks. "They work great for me. Try harder."

"I am trying," you insist. "Everything is a blur."

"Well, what's the matter with you? Think positively."

"OK. I positively can't see a thing."

"Boy, are you ungrateful!" he chides. "And after all I've done to help you!"

---------- p.236, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People ----------

Every time I reviewed my life, I always considered this book as the bible of my life, which guided me no matter when I was up, or down. Nevertheless, we usually forget the precious lessons of what we've learnt before. We sometimes make mistakes that if we got a chance to look back, we would simply expressed, "Oh! I was young and stupid!" Or "Oh! I was just stupid!"

According to Covey, if we really want to have a truly effective communication with others, we should first seek to understand before being understood. In other words, we shouldn't just give out advices, opinions, or anything that are based up on our own experiences, before understanding that unique individual. How can we prescribe without proper diagnosis? It simply won't work. And yet, if we estimate our daily life carefully, maybe we are just another exemplar of the ignorant optometrist who gave out a prescription that worked for himself, without a single effort to know more about his patient.

Recently, I was trying to become a supportive friend, who can understand one's problem and provide valuable advices to those who looked for my help. Well, I think I did pretty well at the beginning, and such circumstance had put me on a self-satisfied status. Then I started to lose my patient. I became less considerate. I gave advices before fully understanding my friend's status. I might had listened, but I didn't try to understand my friend. I only listened to accumulate useful details, analyzed the situation, and then gave out answers without empathic listening - the most important step of communication.

Now when I looked back, I should have sensed that my friend didn't get much support from me on that day. During our conversation, I kept mentioning that "influencing another individual is a challenging and time consuming process." I repeated myself again and again. At the end I even thought, "Man, how many times do I need to tell you to get the words into your head! Are you really going to make the mistakes that I have just pointed out a few seconds ago? WHY DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?????"

As you can see, I totally didn't realised that I was making exactly the kind of mistakes I kept talking out! Yeah, influencing another individual is hard, it is not something you may achieve in a day. I should know it. So why panic? What's the rush for?

We have learnt from history that human beings tend to repeat their mistakes. But the good thing is we can still learn from our mistakes. By doing so, we may reduce the probability to fall back to our same old self. I guess that the contradicting and yet amazing thing for being a human being. And of course, we must always admit our mistakes before getting a chance to fix it.

Wish that I can be a better than the me yesterday. Wish that I will have the patience, the wisdom to help others to become better when they need me. And wish that those of you have just finished reading may become better people as well.